From Tragedy to Generous Tradition: Remembering Jack

This is a story from one of my readers who I feel has become a friend. Karen Fogo shared part of this story last year on my facebook page, and I asked her if she could share her story on the blog because of the beautiful tradition that has come out of tragedy. I do warn readers that this story may bring up painful memories for anyone who has lost someone close to them especially those who have lost children. Today marks 14 years since Jack Mounter's death and Karen and her family have a very special, and generous way they remember him.

What seems like a lifetime ago, I had my first child, Jack.  Initially, it was just him and me, as his father had disappeared just before his birth. I made the decision that from his very first Christmas, Santa was not going to take all the credit for the presents he received. I was a single mum, had just gone back to work as a nurse 5 days before Christmas Day  to keep us (and my sanity) and I wanted a bit of the credit. I figured it would also help me avoid those difficult conversations about why Santa didn’t bring him those expensive presents that he’d asked for. Santa had a budget in our house of $50 and anything else had to come out of Mummy’s wallet. As he approached 4 and then 5 – he got that. Santa brought him some presents, but Mum (and by then his Stepdad) bought him the big ones because they loved him so much. It was fairly easy to keep this up as he was the only grandchild in my family at the time.

The Christmas just after he turned 5 was to be my most organised Christmas ever. We had been on our first ever holiday – to the Gold Coast – at the beginning of November. We got home and Jack asked if we could put up the Christmas tree. I agreed, as I knew that the rest of the year was going to fly by and I didn’t know when would be a better time. Sometimes I’m sure that was a little prophetic. Our tree went up on the 6^th of November (a record that has never been broken) and I had all my shopping with presents wrapped under the tree by the 9^th! All except 2 Santa presents – a fishing rod to be used on our camping holiday after Christmas and a cricket set for the test match that was bound to follow the fishing. They were wrapped and hidden in the wardrobe.

I was right to assume that the rest of the year was to fly by. The following week, on the day I returned to work, I was hospitalised with appendicitis and had my appendix removed. I was discharged in time to make an appearance at Jack’s kindergarten orientation day two days later. I returned to work 10 days later to find that I was having a very rushed change of employment location, two weeks later, and that the position I had been considered for had gone to someone else while I was away.

I started at my new location on the 1^st of December and had our official opening on the 3^rd. I was enjoying working closer to home and figured it would be great the following year when I would be able to pick Jack up after school.

On Sunday the 5^th of December, we went scouting for camping locations for our trip after Christmas. Lostock Dam was ruled out – “too many flies” said Jack. I ruled out the forests around Dungog because of 1. the motorbikes that I couldn’t remember from my childhood and 2. the remoteness and all those trees! So we settled on Jimmy’s Beach, rang and booked it and paid for it over the phone. Lunch was a leisurely one at the new Macca’s near us and then home to enjoy the rest of the weekend before the last week of preschool and all the hubbub that that entails. That night we turned on our Christmas lights on the house for the first time, then sat down to eat Chinese takeaway and watch the Power of One on TV. It was also the night that I decided to give Jack some worming medicine as he had been scratching his bottom – a lot!

At 8.50pm that night, my little serene world came crashing down.  Jack inhaled the chewable worming tablet which blocked his airway, went into cardiac arrest in my arms and could not be revived, despite the action of the ambos, paramedic (who I had grown up with), Westpac Rescue helicopter crew and staff at John Hunter Hospital (where I had worked for the previous 5 years and where Jack had been born) who kept trying until almost midnight. My beautiful little boy was laid in my arms for the final time just after midnight and I held onto him for the next hour and a half, knowing that life and Christmas would never be the same for us again.

The following day was the beginning of the rest of my life. That of a bereaved parent. Someone who had to bury a child. A Coroner’s case to endure. A funeral to organise.  Fortunately, my own parents stepped in and supported me through this. We had only lost my mother-in-law earlier that year and this was just too much for us to cope with. My parents had been my rock when Jack was born and so they were again in his death. I stayed in my old room until I finally went home 5 days later, after his funeral.

 On returning to our home, I was faced with Christmas, though it was still 2 weeks away. The house decorated in lights. The tree decorated to perfection. The wrapped presents under the tree. Jack’s Santa presents when I opened the wardrobe.

I had some hard decisions to make.  School uniforms that had already been purchased and labelled to get rid of.  A little boy’s bedroom to pack up.  And then the Christmas presents….

I decided to return all the electronic presents. The Playstation games, the kid sized computer mouse, the kids’ CDs. The guy at the electronics counter at DJ’s appeared to want the floor to swallow him up when I replied to his question about why I wanted to return them.

Clothes were donated with tags still on them. A couple of favourite things I put away, like the clothes he wore in his Santa picture – the one that graced the front page of the local paper that week. The school uniforms went to school with a specific note that they were to be donated to a kinder boy who would have otherwise gone without new stuff.

Which left me with the Santa presents. I probably should explain something about Jack. He was the most generous and giving little boy I had ever known. When his step- grandmother died, he told us that when he went to Heaven, he was going to teach her how to play the Playstation and make lots of cups of tea for her. He was 4 at the time and little did he know that he would follow her less than 10 months later. I decided that in true Jack fashion, they should be donated to the Wishing Tree at Kmart. We had donated a present the previous year and had planned to do so again that year. So, Jack’s presents – his fishing rod and cricket set, went under the tree, for another little boy or two to have a present to open from Santa on Christmas morning.

Fast forward fourteen years to today. Jack would be nineteen now, but is instead forever five. The fallout of his passing was us running away to live in Sydney 5 months later and then splitting 3 months after that. We both have moved on, though neither of us have forgotten that wonderful little boy. We are no longer in touch though.

I have found happiness with my high school sweetheart. We got together a couple of weeks after my ex and I parted after he wrote me a letter.  He never met Jack, but has had to live with his legacy. He also has a son who is just 2 years older than Jack would be. We have now been married 11 years and have had two little boys of our own who are now 10 and 8. They too have had to live with the memory of a big brother that they have never met and who they are now older than. I can’t say I have been overprotective though I know that I have parented them differently, but that may be because I was older when I had them. Each in their own way has a little bit of Jack in them. The older one in a look and his caring nature, the younger one in his can do attitude.

I have continued the Santa/parent budget with these two and it has worked. Especially last year when they weren’t gutted when someone slipped at school about the “Santa secret”. They knew that there were still presents because we loved them so much.

I have also continued the Wishing Tree presents. I did this myself until the boys were old enough to understand. The boys usually help me chose a present for Jack. Most years, it’s for a 5 year old boy. Sometimes I have chosen one for that year’s birthday, but the boys thought that was a bit dull. It’s our way of remembering a little boy who was so giving and touched so many lives. This year though, I have to find something other than the Wishing Tree as we don’t have a Kmart here.

So a little boy’s memory is carried on. In his family and by his family in the wider community. I’m never afraid to tell Jack’s story and I will never pretend for the comfort of others that he isn’t a part of our family. I will carry him with me till we meet again.

Every 26 Seconds A Child is Sold into Slavery

It has really been on my heart to get involved with an organisation that fights against human trafficking but despite my efforts I had not found one that really stood out. Then I was contacted by Bethany, an advocate for Destiny Rescue (and a cousin of some friends of mine) about promoting Destiny Rescue in the church. I wanted to promote it even wider so I asked her to write this post to raise awareness of the amazing work of Destiny Rescue. So please take the time to read this. I will be revisiting this after Christmas to see what we, as a community can do to help.

Approximately 1.2 million new children are trafficked each year – most of them lured, bribed, or forced into the sex trade. It’s pretty easy to quickly read over that, but let’s go over it again.

Every 26 seconds a new child is sold into slavery.

Approximately 1.2 million little girls have their innocence and childhood stolen each year and in exchange receive sexual, physical, and mental abuse.

Little girls like mine and your daughters, granddaughters, nieces, and maybe even sisters undergo horrific abuse all day, every day.

And that’s just the stats for new kids. There all already millions of other children who have been coerced into the sex industry and are forced to have sex with an adult several times a day. They are trapped and have no way of escape unless people like us decide to stand up and say that this is not ok.

My name’s Bethany. I live in Canberra, I’m one of 13 kids, an evangelical Christian, and a Destiny Rescue advocate. I’m passionate about seeing children’s innocence protected and rescuing and restoring little girls so they know they are more valuable than the Crown Jewels and have a chance to fulfil their dreams.

To perfectly honest, the whole sex trade issue was something I kinda knew about, but because it wasn’t in my face 24/7, I lived as if it didn’t exist. Then a friend of mine went on a Destiny Rescue overseas team trip. She came home and gave a presentation at my church about what she saw. I couldn’t forget it. Then in April I went to a screening of Trade of Innocents, a movie about the sex trade in Cambodia. I now  had a “face” for the sex trade and I couldn’t sit around and do nothing. So I sponsored a 15 year old girl through Destiny Rescue and applied to become an advocate.

So, you’re probably wondering why Destiny Rescue is so amazing. Here’s why. They are a Christian based, non-profit organisation who are dedicated to rescuing children and preventing them from being forced into human trafficking. They work closely with government agencies and international non-government offices to gather valuable information and leads. They see that the criminals are brought to justice and provide a rescue home for all the children they save. Here the children are given medical attention and they receive group therapy and counselling. Here they can feel safe, eat nutritious meals, and receive a valuable education. Destiny Rescue also provides them with training so that once the girls are able they can leave the Rescue Home and provide for themselves in a decent job. They have Destiny Rescue coffee shops and a hair salon which are run by these girls.

Another thing I love about DR is that they don’t just try to fix the problem, but also offer prevention care. They identify children who are in danger of being enslaved and offer their families help in the form of self-sustaining projects.

 

But most importantly they teach the girls of a God who understand humiliation and suffering and who reaches out to them in love. A God who can give them freedom from the anger and who can redeem their past. I’ve read testimonies of girls who come out of brothels in such deep hurt that anger and torment are their only companions. But yet as God works through Destiny Rescue these girls miraculously find peace and happiness and are able to fulfil their dreams.

Now, I know there many other organisations whose mission is to rescue the sexually exploited, and honestly I can’t say I’m up to speed on all their differences. In the beginning the reason I chose Destiny Rescue was because it was the organisation right in front of me. It could also have been that they have a lot of orange around and that’s my favourite colour. J But now one of the reasons I love Destiny Rescue is that their focus is on children. I know the sex trade, regardless of age, is horrible and disgusting, and I can’t really think of a word that describes the filthiness of it, but children being forced into it make me 500% angry. I mean how dare they think they can take girls as young as 5 years old, and for a sometimes a couple of thousand take away her virginity and innocence. How dare they put a price on someone Jesus died to save. Oh, it makes me angry.

But let’s look at the positives. What can we do to change this?  You can partner with Destiny Rescue and …

1.    Become a 26 seconds member and commit to $40 annually

2.    Become a 26 seconds partner and commit to $26 a month

3.    Sponsor a rescue or prevention child for $45 a month

4.    Give the one-off generous donation of $1500 which will fund the rescue of a child

5.    Go on one of their overseas trips to see their work firsthand

6.    Volunteer and go overseas for up to 2 years to fill a needed position.

7.    Or perfect number 7, you can become an advocate like me and tell your friends and family all about Destiny Rescue and the work they’re doing. I’m currently the only advocate in Canberra (as far as I am aware) and I’d love a few partners.

Other things you can do is purchase jewellery handmade by some of the girls. They are actually phasing this out, so I’d highly recommend jumping on the website and having a look. There is some really beautiful things on there. I also have some jewellery on hand so if you live in Canberra give me a bell and I might be able to arrange to get some to you. They do also have some t-shirts, so if you’d like to get the message out I’d highly recommend it. I have one and it’s really comfortable and you feel awesome wearing it. My Dad also has one and it’s one of his favourite shirts, so it’s a good one for the guys too. :)

http://www.destinyrescue.org/aus/  is the main webpage and has more info. You can buy jewellery and coffee and some shirts here http://www.destinyrescueshop.org.au/ or you can visit http://destinythreads.com/  which is a store that sells t-shirts and has new designs each month.

I don’t feel like I’ve covered everything 100% so if you’d like to know more please contact me and I’ll help you out as much as I can. Otherwise you can contact the Destiny Rescue office and the friendly and lovely people there will be able to tell you everything you’d want to know.

Oh, and one last quick reason why I love Destiny Rescue. Its president and founder is an Australian, but that’s a whole other story. :)

“He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it” – Martin Luther King. Jr.

Thanks Bethany!

If you have time also watch this beautiful video from Destiny rescue.

Broken to Beautiful

What do you think readers? After Christmas can we raise $1,500 to rescue a child?

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A Week in the Life of a Mummy & a Minister’s Wife

I recently posted an insight into my life as the wife of a minister. Since that was a popular post I thought I would open the doors of my life a little more and give you an idea of what a regular week is like for me and my family.

I will start the week with Sunday (because that’s where all the action happens).

Sunday: The crazy starts early on Sundays. My hubby leaves at 8am to set up the church leaving me to get the three kids to church by 9am. I generally finish my cup of tea, then fight with the kids to get their hair brushed, teeth brushed, shoes on and into the car by 8.45am. If I don’t scream at the kids, it has been a good morning.

Church is fun but busy. I don’t generally get to sit and listen to a sermon at church as I am either serving on (or filling in for someone else) the children’s or crèche program. I love our church family and I especially love having a cup of tea with them after the service finishes.

The little girls have been grabbing a Bible lately and pretending to read it. Awwwww!

After church we often have people over for lunch or a meeting (or both). Late afternoons are mostly free but they are frequently meetings that occur at that time.

Dinner is rushed and hubby puts the kids to bed just in time for me to open the door to the girls in my Bible study group. As well as reading the Bible, the giggling and D&M’s go on well into the night.

Monday: Monday is hubby’s day off and this is the last year we will be able to spend it as a family without at least one child in school. We often visit parks or kid friendly attractions around Canberra or just relax at home and do errands.

Family time!

 Because hubby and I don’t hear sermons we take the time to get together on a Monday night and listen to a sermon together. We have listened to sermons from SMBC (where Tim studied) and we are currently going through a Mark Driscoll series on marriage called The Peasant Princess.

Tuesday:  After getting up early to go to the gym, I often spend Tuesdays at home with the kids. That way we can recover from the weekend and clean the house and it means hubby can take the car to work (we only have one car).

Tuesday nights hubby is out at his own Bible study so I take the time to study or write blog posts (depending on which is more pressing at the time).

Wednesday: Wednesday is our playgroup day. It is often stressful to get the kids there but once we arrive I really enjoy catching up with the other mums. I was initially invited by a friend but this year I have started to form my own friendships and just love meeting with these ladies each week.

Wednesday nights hubby is home but he frequently heads to the study to work. He may also be avoiding having to watch “The Bachelor” and “Wonderland”. I consider Wednesday my “night off”. It is basically the only night I watch TV and I generally have a glass of wine and watch rubbish TV.

Thursday: Thursday starts with the gym again. Thursdays are lovely because I only have Ali with my because the older girls go to preschool and childcare.  When Ali slept in the mornings I would do study, prepare for my Bible study or children’s program and whatever else I could fit in. Now I meet up with friends or do groceries and try to fit the other things in when she goes to sleep in the afternoon.

Thursdays with Ali

Thursday nights I meet up with two friends from church to catch up and pray together. Even though we are all exhausted by Thursday night, it is great. We share the hard things and the great things going on in our lives over a glass of red wine. Then we talk to God together.

Friday: Fridays I have two of my three and so we generally try to visit with friends and get ready for whatever is on the weekend.

Friday nights we are generally at home together but one of us usually has something pressing that needs to get done or there is something social on.

Saturday: We could sleep in and have a relaxing morning but recently we have been heading to the local park for the Parkrun. It is a 5km run that happens every week and hubby and I will take turns running it. I recently completed the run in 29 mins 25 seconds!

Yay! Under 30 minutes

We then rush home for a shower and head to a party, or a lunch, or a meeting or something else.

Having kids means Saturday nights are pretty relaxed for us. We may watch a movie or just hang out together. There is the occasional social event of course. Saturdays nights are also often used to get ready for church the next day.

Then it all starts again.....

Here's a random photo of my kitchen while I am giving you a peek into my life.

  

Keeping Little Ones Safe This Summer

                                                                                                                                  Sponsored post

I recently wrote about about pool safety and small children following an incident that occurred with my three year old. At the time I was staying with my Dad who has a pool at his house and the incident occurred while we were all around the pool together. What I didn't say in the last post was, that even before I arrived at Dad's place I had been concerned about how safe my kids would be around the pool.

Way too often we hear stories about children drowning in back yard pools because they become curious and wander off on their own. These stories really scare me. I also have a very vivid imagination and I often go off into daydreams (or short visions) about terrible things that may happen to my kids, me or my hubby. Of course these things never actually eventuate but it does help me to take steps in advance to make sure we are all safe.

When I arrived at Dad's place for our holiday I was relieved to see that the pool was very well fenced. I even went to the fence myself and tried to imagine what my kids would have to do to get past the fence and realised it was very unlikely. The fence was secure.

My dream pool with EccoHardware fencing

These days fences are much, much safer then they were when I was a child. When I was young, our backyard pool was above ground and did have a fence (well, it was actually a gate on the deck). I don't remember having any trouble getting in and out of that fence. I think it would also have been pretty easy to bring a chair up to the edge of the pool and climb in.

It is the law now that pools are fenced but thankfully pool fences don't need to be ugly. EccoHardware, is a Sydney based company that builds beautiful glass fencing that complies with Australian standards so that you don't have to go through the crazy daydreams about what might happen to your child.  Their website is worth a look to drool over some gorgeous pools which are perfectly safe for adventurous little people.


Do you have crazy daydreams about scary things that may happen? Or is that just me?

The Mummy & The Minister's Wife

This week on my Mummy's Undeserved Blessings Facebook Page, I asked what it was people wanted to read about on my blog. The answer really didn't surprise me because it is the theme of my blog. A couple of people wanted to know more about my life as the wife of a minister.  I haven't been sharing all that much about that area of my life, mainly because I really want to take the time to write well about it. I have also been a little hesitant because I have a responsibility to those in my church to keep anything that relates to them private. However there is lots and lots I can share on the topic that is just about me and my family.

The recent question about my life was how do I balance it all. The honest truth is... I don't. We have a very busy life and it bounces between crazy busy and normal busy. Our weeks generally involve my hubby being out (for meetings/Bible studies) a few times a week, then me being out a couple of nights a week, with a couple of nights left to spend with each other. Sundays as you can imagine are often busy from 8am - 11pm with a few breaks in between. We survive the week by having my hubby's day off on Monday as a family day. Mondays are great as hardly anyone is around so we just spend time together (although we are happy to catch up with friends/church family socially sometimes. We don't have a strict rule about family only time).



My role at the church isn't huge mainly because we have a very capable and motivated church family who take on lots of the responsibilities. I co-lead the kid's program, help out with the creche (under 3's) and sometimes bring morning tea. I also co-lead a Bible study for young women (which is what keeps me up til 11pm on a Sunday night). There are also the occasional women's events that I help organise, but my real role is to firstly be a support to my hubby in his ministry and to care for my girls.

As my family is my priority, and as a stay at home mum I make sure that I don't do "work" (whether that is Uni study, blogging or church related things) during the day. Although I do check facebook a little too often, I make sure that I do things with the kids like meeting up with friends for playdates, going to playgroup, going to the park etc.

I also try really hard to maintain friendships outside the church. Since being in Canberra, I have made some lovely friends both inside and outside the church. My friends that don't come to church know that I am a Christian and even though I am sure they think I am a bit odd, it hasn't hindered our friendship at all. They know that I won't Bible bash them but that they can come and chat to me about what I believe at any time. It has been exciting to see two of my friends come along to church this year and a couple of others asking me about why I believe.

So there you have it, a little more about my role as a Mummy and a Minister's wife. Of course I also throw in blogging and study but that might have to be the topic of another blog post.


Please feel free to ask any other burning questions about being a minister's wife :) 

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MUD! Love it? Or Loathe it?

I recently received this article on mud from my daughter's childcare centre. I loved it so much I wanted to share it with you all.

I personally have not encouraged my children to play with mud. Mostly because they have decided to play with mud at inopportune times. Emily is a fan of making "soup" which is really just watery mud and the result is usually a very wet and muddy floor inside (which does not make me happy).

After reading this article I am seriously considering loosening up and making a mud area in the backyard. 

image credit

Dear Parents, this is why your children have been playing with mud today and their clothes are all dirty:

1. Mud makes you happy – In 2007 the University of Bristol found that ‘friendly’ bacteria in soil could actually be responsible for activating a group of neurons that produce serotonin, the chemical thought responsible for raising our mood. So mud could actually be an anti-depressant!

2. Mud provides a fantastic sensory experience. Mud comes in many forms; it can be dry or wet, clumpy and rough or soft and smooth. It provides endless options for experimentation and discovery, especially for our littlies who are learning about materials and textures. Littlies use information that they glean from sensory experiences, like playing with mud, to make sense of the world and understand how it all works. Mud is a great medium for this sort of sensory play because it provides so many different options.

3. Mud can help to build children’s immune systems. It is well documented that exposure to dirt at an early age is thought to boost the immune system meaning that children who are allowed to get dirty at an earlier age are less likely to suffer from allergies and are more able to cope with germs later on in life.

4. Mud connects us directly with the natural world. It lets our kids get up close and personal with nature, discovering different mud in different places, the creatures that live in the mud and the plants that grow in it. Worms go hand in hand with mud and are a constant fascination for many kids. For lots of us they factor in some of our earliest memories of playing outdoors. You can also have some great discussion about how mud needs worms and how important worm casts (aka worm poo) is!

image credit

5. Mud inspires creativity. The wonderful thing about mud is that it can be anything you want from a mud pie to a mud house. It can be a bath or a soup; you can make it into faces or use it to paint with. It is a brilliant opportunity to allow your kids to let their imagination run free and see where their creativity takes them.

6. Mud provides benefits for physical development too. Walking in mud is a tricky prospect and a great way for any youngster to build on their gross motor skills. They learn how to balance and the best way to place their feet to ensure they stay upright and don’t sink. Mud can be a great place to slide around in, attempt to swim in or simply feel on their feet. The use of tools for digging and buckets for transporting also supports these skills encouraging youngsters to stay active and use their whole bodies in play. Fine motor skills are also developed with mud play, from stirring a mud recipe to create a mud mural; kids use all those delicate fine motor movements to create their own masterpieces.

7. Mud is a great place for social play. Playing in mud can create opportunities for real co-operation in play from cooking and sharing a mud feast to playing tag in the mud. It provides so many different creative opportunities to play together. Why not have a mud make-up party, build a mud castle or create a working mud construction site with toy trucks?
8. Mud is fun! Throwing mud, sliding around in it, building things and cooking things all made of mud are great fun. There are lots of giggles to be had playing in mud and it’s a great opportunity for Mum and Dad to let their hair down and get messy too.

So what do you think? Is it time to get muddy?

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Swimming Lessons Won't Save Your Child

I have had my girls in swimming lessons from a young age. My middle daughter has been learning to swim from the age of six months and is fairly confident in the water. I would like to think that if anything ever happened in a pool she would be able to get herself to safety.

That assumption was proved wrong recently.

We were enjoying a swim in my Dad's pool and Claire ( who is three) had found a baby float ring that she wanted to use. We told her she was too big for it, but she was determined to give it a try. She slid her little legs through the ring and lowered herself onto the float. As the ring was too small for her hips to slide in it was obvious she was going to be unbalanced. "That's not going to work", we said. "It will tip over", we told her but she continued in her attempt.

Sure enough the ring flipped over leaving Claire partially in the ring and face down in the water. With all the swimming lessons she has had I expected her to wriggle free of the ring and swim to the side. I actually waited a second to see if she would. Do you know what she did? Absolutely nothing! She just remained face down in the water. Seeing this, I jumped in fully clothed to the pool and pulled her to safety. As I brought her to the surface she stayed calm and after about thirty seconds it was like it never happened at all. She didn't cry, she didn't seem scared, nothing.

Happier in a slightly bigger float ring

In some ways it wasn't scary at all. She was never in danger because there were three adults supervising her. However, it has really shaken up the way I think about my children's ability to save themselves in a swimming pool. Swimming lessons are fantastic, but they won't save a child from drowning in a pool. The ONLY thing that is truly effective is adult supervision. You can't leave them for even a second, even to answer the phone, get a towel or go to the toilet.

Too many children drown in swimming pools. Most of the time is a because they wander off, but I do wonder how many near drowning occur because adults think their kids will be fine because they have had swimming lessons.

This summer if you are swimming with small children PLEASE NEVER LEAVE THEM ALONE. It is just not worth the risk. And keep up the swimming lessons because in combination with adult supervision it


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