I Wish I Was a Better Mum

I have been suffering from some serious mother guilt this past week. 

It is nothing new really, it has just come up for me a lot this week because I really feel I am not making the effort to spend quality time with my eldest, Emily.

It is hard for me to admit this, but I want to share it with you so you know what I am going through. I fear that people will think I am a bad mother..but I also hope that maybe I am not alone with this struggle.

I am generally pretty good at taking my kids to morning events. Even though it can be hard to get the three of them out of the house I am still making the effort to go to playgroup and the park etc.

In the afternoons, Claire goes to sleep and baby Alicia is often asleep so in theory I should have some quality time with Emily.

The problem is instead of interacting with her, I pop the tv on to give myself a little break while I spend time on the computer. I often intend to do something with her but before I know it, a couple of hours has passed and Claire is awake again and our opportunity is lost.

I know it is ok to let her watch tv and of course it is fine for me to have a break but I know in my heart I am letting her down by not giving her at least some of the afternoon with my full attention.

She doesn't seem to care as long as I give her a cup of milk and a snack, but I see her mindlessly staring at that screen and it makes me sad. 

I love that kid so much but I am selfish and lazy.  I really want to change so I wanted to admit this publicly so I can't hide it.


In recent days I have been making more of an effort and it is amazing the change I see in her. She is better behaved and I know it is strengthening our relationship.


So I am going to keep trying, and even when I fail I am going to try again because I don't want to look back when she is a teenager and wish I had been a better mother.


Do you struggle to balance spending time with your kids and time for yourself?