I try my best not to gossip about other people, but sometimes I find myself talking about another person in a negative way and I realise that I am gossiping. It seems that I can't always avoid hearing it (or even doing it) but I think there are some positive ways that gossip can be handled in adult relationships.
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Starting with the sharing of other people's information. I really think that important information such as pregnancy/engagements etc should be shared by the person whose news it is. I remember a lovely friend who was so excited about our engagement that she told our very close friends (who we hadn't got to tell ourselves yet). I don't think she did it to cause trouble but our friends were quite hurt that we didn't tell them. Now if I know that someone wants to share someone else's news I actually ask them not to tell me (if I can) because I consider it gossip.
The vent is a more difficult one to manage as you can't just walk away or say "Sorry I don't want to hear it" because that person may just need to blow of steam. If someone is venting to me, my decision in these situations has always been to listen but not agree and or share my negative feelings toward that vented about person. If it is appropriate, I try to suggest that maybe that person has just had a bad day/week, or some other positive comment. I find it just helps to calm the situation and then I am not turning into a gossip myself. If it is me that needs to vent, I try to talk to my hubby or another person out of the situation and again try to keep it as positive as possible.
As for the really damaging talk about people, that is where I would walk away. I think that if the words that are being said are going to change my opinion of another person (or if my words are going to cause a person to think badly of another person) then it is definitely gossip and I want to avoid it. We can all think of situations where we have felt compelled to tell someone a piece of information that we have heard (whether it is true or not) about a third party. It is hard to keep information like that to yourself but nothing can really be gained by sharing it. Not only will you hurt people and relationships, but you will also potentially be seen as untrustworthy.
These are just some of my thoughts on gossip and how to best handle it. I think a good rule of thumb is to only say things that you would say if that person was able to hear it. By doing this you will have stronger friendships and be seen as a person who people can trust.
How do you handle gossip?
Linking up with Jess for #IBOT
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