When Life Hands You Lemons, Make Lemonade

Today I would like to introduce you to a brand new blogger. Lisa is an online friend of mine who has shared the highs and lows of pregnancy and baby raising with me. Recently she gave birth to the gorgeous Remy. Along with the joy of meeting her baby, she was also given news that no new mother ever wants to hear. Her life has taken a shift she couldn't have imagined, but she is not letting it slow her down. I have included Lisa's very first post for you to read today so you can meet her and hear her story. I know you will love her blog and  I hope you will follow her blogging journey at A Lemonade Life.

It’s a cliché you often hear bandied about by cardigan-clad optimists, or written in jaunty font on Hallmark cards – ‘when life hands you lemons, make lemonade’. Meh, so trite. Recently I was thrown one of those proverbial lemons however, when my second son Remy was born at 36 weeks with Down Syndrome and an imperforate anus. (Just to clarify, Rem is a peach, and having Down’s is by no means lemon-like, but having no bum-hole is positively citric). He is now 5 weeks old, a beautiful bub with almond eyes, a strong heart, and a squelchy colostomy. His brother Yves is a reckless, parkour-loving 16-month-old with a penchant for dancing on table tops and eating dirt. Yeah, it’s been busy, but life is settling down a little after Remy’s dramatic arrival, so here I sit while my babies sleep, dodging housework and contemplating the rest of my existence. A bit heavy for a Monday afternoon, but apparently there’s lemonade to be brewed, and no time like the present, right?

The gorgeous Remy

Now don’t get all fidgety – this blog isn’t going to be a sob story, a violin-accompanied campaign for disability tolerance, or a tedious blow-by-blow account of my daily life. I might throw the odd family photo out there, or have a bit of a rant about the frustrations of stoma care (more about that later), but generally this is just a virtual space for me, a repository for the unvoiced detritus occupying my mind.

Besides motherhood, my interests are styling interiors, playing squash, adoring dogs, and junk shopping. I love editing and collecting other people’s unwanted stuff, and I can’t pass an op-shop or antique store without breaking a sweat (and a fingernail) rifling through their contents. I won’t be revealing my trusted sources of said bargains, rest assured! But I will post about what I find, and hopefully inspire some of you to look around your own area, and indeed your home, for pieces that could be resurrected, repurposed, and loved anew. Much more rewarding and fun than buying plastic replica crap, and better for the environment too!

Beyond petty scrounging and the odd spot of squash, the real subject I want to wrestle with in here is the question of perspective. The omnipotence of a more considered worldview has been a looming truth in my life for a long time, and through recent events this need has been thrust under my nose again. What does perspective mean for me, what might it mean for my family, and how can we best disperse some of what we learn along the way? That’s the big question in our household right now as we begin to deal with our son’s health issues and his ongoing development. We have been shown incredible care, compassion and professionalism by his medical team in these first few weeks, and as consumed as we are with caring for Remy, my partner Dan and I are also thinking hard about how we can give something back. Crisis is always a time of opportunity, and in the tumult of Remy’s arrival we have been gifted a viewpoint exceeding our previous reach, one that is taking our thoughts beyond our picket fence.

So, that’s where we’re headed…

Find Lisa's original post at leecylou.wordpress.com make sure you pop over there and follow her blog via email (find the button at the bottom right corner) so you can keep up with her wonderful blog. Also, make sure you leave her some comment love.

 

Decision Made {About Childcare}

A couple of weeks ago I reached out to my readers to get some help making the decision about whether to take Claire back to one day a week of childcare.

After carefully considering everyone's comments, praying about it and talking to anyone who would listen, we have decided to do it.

She will still have her regular Thursday, but the Fridays will be spent at home with me (and Ali). It actually came at a pretty good time because she was turning three and was moving across to another room for the kids over three. I was concerned that she would miss her teachers but she wouldn't have even been with them anyway. When I did tell the teachers one of them got a bit teary (so beautiful) but she knew Claire was moving up anyway. She started the transition last week and was happy to spend most of the day in the new room.

I wanted to say a BIG thanks to everyone who left comments, sent emails, and chatted with me. There really was no right or wrong answer, as many of you said, I needed to "follow my heart" and  "do what I felt was right". In the end I just wanted her home with me.

I valued every comment especially comments from women who had older children. They pretty much all said "take her out because time with her is fleeting. Kids grow up so quickly". That is what my heart was telling me (or what God may have been putting on my heart).

So thanks again for being my sounding board. I just love all the wonderful people who are along for the Mummy's Undeserved Blessings ride.



Linking up for:

Diary of a SAHM {Book Review & Giveaway}

It's not everyday that someone I know writes a book and then asks me to review it. Jess from Essentially Jess has done just that. She is now a published author and today I am going to tell you how wonderful her book is. Not just because I like her, but because I really enjoyed this book.

Diary of a SAHM, is a book about Jess' life with her husband and young family. It is written in diary form so you can just imagine her sitting down at the computer after a hard day with the kids and writing each entry. Although, unlike the type of whiny diary I would keep, Jess' book is full of wonderful reflections about what God is doing in her life and the lives of her family.

I love this book because Jess is real and honest. There were so many moments as I was reading, where I thought, "I can so relate to that!". She hasn't written a book telling us how to be a better Christian or a better parent. She has written about the struggle to trust God and to walk in his ways in the midst of the journey of parenting. She tells it like it is (incredibly hard at times), but instead of negativity she shares how she leans on God through it all and seeks to train the hearts of her children to live for Him.

One of my favourite parts of the book was Jess telling a story where, despite an epic effort to get the kids to church (walking three small children in the Darwin heat), she didn't get to hear a word of the sermon and had to deal with a baby who refused to sleep. Why would she bother to do this? To show her children that church was is priority in their family, and because she wants to live a life that reflects what she believes. I just loved it because sometimes it would be so much easier to skip church but how will our children learn to make meeting with other Christians a priority if their parents don't.  This story is one of many, where Jess shares a struggle and then reflects on what God is teaching her. 

This is the type of book I could (and will) read over and over again. Not because she gives us a "how to" of Christian parenting, but because it's like chatting with a friend who encourages us to see where God is working in our lives and the lives of our kids.

If you want to get your hands on a copy of her book the best option is to head to her website, Essentially Jess, and buy it now. I also have one copy of Diary of a SAHM available to giveaway to one lucky reader. Just complete the entry form below and tell me why you would like to win this book.

Of course I am linking up with Jess this week for IBOT.

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HELP! I Need Advice.

I really need some help with making a decision. I should be able to make this decision on my own but for some reason I'm just not sure what I should do.

This decision needs a little bit of background. It all started because of a digital photo frame. This frame (pictured below) sits beside our T.V. and is mostly turned off. However in recent weeks my children have become fascinated with it. They love watching pictures of themselves as babies and love trying to guess which baby is in the picture.

The digital frame that sends subliminal messages

Since it has been switched on, it has been rolling through the photos while I sit and watch T.V. Little by little, this device is sending me messages. With each picture, the frame says "Too quick, they are  growing up too quick".

Every parent can relate to this. Our kids seem to be babies one minute, then toddlers the next (I'm sure it is worse for parents of teenagers). This thought isn't anything new, but there was something else that this thought stirred in me and it has to do with childcare.

My two eldest girls have been in childcare since the beginning of last year and it is wonderful. The centre we have chosen is lovely and the carers are wonderful. I only have good things to say about the centre. Currently only one of my children attends the centre. My eldest is at preschool and the baby is home with me. My middle girl, Claire attends two days a week.

As the photos rolled through, my heart said. "Why is Claire in childcare when you are at home?", "She is growing up so quick and you could be spending that time with her".

Growing up too quick

So here is my dilemma. Should I take Claire back to only one day a week?

My heart says "Yes!" spend as much time as possible with her. She is only this little for such a short time and I wonder if I will regret not taking the opportunity to have time with her. Although she seems to love childcare when she is there, she often says doesn't want to go. Her days are much longer than the preschool days, so when I do pick up/drop off I really feel someone is missing. I chose to have her in two days because of my study/this blog but now that baby is awake more I am often not using the days for these things. I also think it would be nice for her to have one on one with time with her younger sister. 

On the other hand, I worry that taking her back to one day will mean she misses out on the social skills and stimulation that childcare provides. I feel sad that she won't see her teachers as much. I worry that I am doing it for me, because I want to be with her more, rather than because it is good for her.

If I was working, it would be simple and I would not be concerned about her being in childcare. Since I am at home and can look after her myself,  I wonder if I should. Is it selfish of me to take up a place in childcare when another family could use it?

Oh! it is all so hard. 

Any wise words, advice or your own experience is much appreciated.

What should I do????




Linking up with the lovely Jess from Essentially Jess for:

My 4 Year Old Has a Boyfriend!

My 4 year old has a boyfriend. Not just a boy who is a friend, but a boy who she wants to spend every waking moment with. A boy who, when they are together they are either hugging or holding hands.

I know this is a fairly common occurrence for kids but to be honest it is freaking me out. I thought I had longer with her attached to us as her parents, before she started finding strong relationships outside the family.

Don't get me wrong, it is actually lovely. Her boyfriend, lets call him J, is a gorgeous little boy. His mum is a friend of mine and I love her to bits too. 

I just find it really weird seeing them not only holding hands, but hugging and not leaving each others' side whenever they are together. J also is part of our church family so even on Sundays during our kids program they are glued together (which I think drives the leaders a bit crazy).

They go to the same preschool on the same days (but not in the same class), and Emily has told me that she will only play with J during outside time. Even though I have tried to encourage her to play with some other children, she insists that J is the only friend she will play with. 

Earlier last term, J was sick for a few days. I had the opportunity to observe her in the playground and noticed that instead of playing with other children, she was following the teacher around. 

It is lovely that she has such a wonderful friend in J, and I know they are not very likely to be still in love in 15 years time. I guess I just worry that she will miss out on making friendships with other little girls and boys.

I spoke to a friend about this recently, she said her little preschool aged girl was the opposite. Her daughter floats around playing with everyone and doesn't have a regular friend. It made me realise that all kids are different, and at preschool they are just finding their feet with the whole friendship thing. 

So instead of worrying (although I may still worry a bit), I am just going to enjoy watching my little girl and her "friend" enjoy each others' company. 

Have any of your kids had boyfriends at an early age? How did you cope with it?

Surviving 4 Nights Away from my Children

Last week I went away for 5 days (and 4 nights) to a minister's wives retreat leaving my three very small girls behind. In the days leading up to me going away I started to become anxious about leaving my children. I was leaving them in the care of my husband (who is a very capable father) so I knew they would be well looked after but there were so many thoughts running through my head.

The older girls I knew would be fine as they would be at their "schools" (preschool and childcare) for the Thursdays and Fridays. However, our youngest, Alicia at 11 1/2 months old was still being breastfed around 1-2 times a day.

I knew she would  probably be ok going without milk but I was worried about whether she would be ok with me. Of course prior to heading off I had been reading about infant attachment and how important it is that babies feel secure in their mother's love. I was really scared that after nearly a year of having mummy around almost all the time she would feel the impact of my sudden disappearance and become distressed.

Becoming more and more independent each day

I had warned my husband to be very kind to her, that she might be fragile so to make she that he was extra loving towards her. It wasn't that I didn't trust him, it was that I just didn't know how she would react.

On the Thursday morning, they all drove me to my 8am bus to Sydney airport (to fly to Ballina/Byron). Alicia smiled at me as I left her (Emily was the one to burst into tears) and they drove away.

I was sad at first still fearing her reaction, but enjoyed the time to relax and read on the trip up without interruption.

The retreat was fantastic. We all take turns to tell our life stories in a confidential environment (we all agree at the beginning to keep each other's stories within the group). It was such a different experience to sit and share my life story and have people just listen (for as long as I wanted to talk).  The rest of the days were spent eating, talking, spending time alone reading the Bible and chatting with God. It was lovely and I felt so refreshed afterwards. The women I went with had such wisdom and experience it was nice to be with them and learn from them over the weekend. I realised I have so much to learn, but still lots of time to learn it.

I was having such a lovely time that I actually didn't worry about my girls. I called my family most nights and they were totally fine. Alicia was fine without me. It was evident that in the past year, she has developed secure attachment to both her father and to me. She knows our love and is able to be separated from me for a time and know that I will come back. She also has a very loving Dad who has proved he can manage looking after three girls on his own. 

I did miss my family but it was such a blessing to have this time out to be refreshed and encouraged. It was also a BIG lesson for me that while I am super important to my girls, they can do without me for a little while.


Linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT

Why I Don't Call You....A Poem.

This post goes out to all my friends and family who wonder why I never call them.

I want to say I'm sorry to those I fail to call,

it's not that I don't try to, it's my three girls who are small.

it's not that I don't love you, or long to hear your news,

it's just that when a phone appears, a drama then ensues.

As soon as there's a tingle from my shiny phone,

it seems to tell my children, it's time to scream and moan.

I would love to hear your story, I promise I'm not rude,

but as soon as I hit answer, my girls desire food.

Then there's the time, I called you, I thought the time was right,

of course at just that moment, the children start to fight.

Sometimes, I think it's quiet and sneak off for a chat,

and suddenly there's screaming "The baby glued the cat!"*

This needs no explaining because I know you heard it too,

when one of my little cherubs yells, "Mum! I've done a poo."

When the day is over and they're snuggled in their bed,

I hope you will forgive me when I check Facebook instead.

It's not that you’re not special, I don't mean to make you frown,

I just need a few more minutes, a little time to wind down.

An email here, a blog post there, and suddenly with fright,

I notice that it's half past ten! Sorry, perhaps another night?

*To date the cat has not been glued but give them time :)

 Can you relate?

Linking up with Jess at Essentially Jess for IBOT