The older girls I knew would be fine as they would be at their "schools" (preschool and childcare) for the Thursdays and Fridays. However, our youngest, Alicia at 11 1/2 months old was still being breastfed around 1-2 times a day.
I knew she would probably be ok going without milk but I was worried about whether she would be ok with me. Of course prior to heading off I had been reading about infant attachment and how important it is that babies feel secure in their mother's love. I was really scared that after nearly a year of having mummy around almost all the time she would feel the impact of my sudden disappearance and become distressed.
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| Becoming more and more independent each day |
I had warned my husband to be very kind to her, that she might be fragile so to make she that he was extra loving towards her. It wasn't that I didn't trust him, it was that I just didn't know how she would react.
On the Thursday morning, they all drove me to my 8am bus to Sydney airport (to fly to Ballina/Byron). Alicia smiled at me as I left her (Emily was the one to burst into tears) and they drove away.
I was sad at first still fearing her reaction, but enjoyed the time to relax and read on the trip up without interruption.
The retreat was fantastic. We all take turns to tell our life stories in a confidential environment (we all agree at the beginning to keep each other's stories within the group). It was such a different experience to sit and share my life story and have people just listen (for as long as I wanted to talk). The rest of the days were spent eating, talking, spending time alone reading the Bible and chatting with God. It was lovely and I felt so refreshed afterwards. The women I went with had such wisdom and experience it was nice to be with them and learn from them over the weekend. I realised I have so much to learn, but still lots of time to learn it.
I was having such a lovely time that I actually didn't worry about my girls. I called my family most nights and they were totally fine. Alicia was fine without me. It was evident that in the past year, she has developed secure attachment to both her father and to me. She knows our love and is able to be separated from me for a time and know that I will come back. She also has a very loving Dad who has proved he can manage looking after three girls on his own.
I did miss my family but it was such a blessing to have this time out to be refreshed and encouraged. It was also a BIG lesson for me that while I am super important to my girls, they can do without me for a little while.
Linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT
