It isn't just that I have become too hooked on Offspring. It is also about what having to watch a funeral brings up. It makes me remember those I have lost, and it also makes me imagine what it would feel like to lose someone so close to me. Because of these reasons, I think I am going to struggle through Offspring tonight...I am even tempted not to watch (but of course I will).
As I was writing this, I clicked onto Facebook and found this article about a women whose husband died suddenly. I wasn't even going to write about this but I really do have a fear that I will lose my hubby. Mainly because I have a way too active imagination (kind of like Nina) and he doesn't have a great family history. I don't think about it all the time but I do wonder how I would cope.
When I was pregnant I often had those crazy dreams that my hubby died (or left me, or wouldn't marry me). I feared having to give birth without him by my side. I now fear having to raise the girls alone, or not having that one person that gets me, accepts me and loves me. They are not massive fears, just something I think about from time to time. I know from seeing so many brave women continue on after a loss that I would be fine, broken, but fine. I hope and pray that it isn't something I have to experience.
Tonight, I know that I'm going to sob like a baby, because death is really sad. Even though it is just a TV show these things can and do happen every day.
However, once it is over (and even during it) I am going to hold onto my hubby as tight as I can, and enjoy the time I have with him.
Will you be watching tonight?
