Facebook is My Blankie

All three of my girls have had a blankie. A very special blanket or wrap that gives them comfort when they are sad or tired or just want something to play with. There is a very special connection between a child and her blankie. If they have been away from blankie for too long, as soon as it is in sight there is a noticeable reaction (Ali does a nervous giggle when she  sees hers). As soon as that blankie is in their arms all is right with the world again.

The Blankie.

What does this have to do with Facebook you ask? Well, I was listening to another Focus on the Family podcast recently and the speaker made a comment that rang true with me. It was said that many people (mums in particular) as using Facebook as a self soother. Like my little girls who reach for their blankets when they are upset, many mums are using Facebook as a way of escaping when they are feeling overwhelmed.

This is certainly not a Facebook is evil post. There are lots of wonderful things about Facebook. However as I thought about this comment I realised that there were lots of times where I used Facebook to escape from my day at home with the kids. I guess as a self soothing method it is much better than turning to food, or alcohol, or drugs (although a nice glass of wine when hubby gets home can be helpful). I have noticed myself picking up my phone or ipad at times when I really should be interacting with the kids. I have clicked into Facebook when I know that there will be nothing new there because I checked it five minutes ago. I especially noticed it when I was doing study. As soon as I started to feel bored, frustrated or lost...click...back into Facebook.

It is partly habit, but I now know it is definitely a self soothing behaviour. Sometimes it even feels like I can't help myself. If I don't check Facebook I can't concentrate on anything else (it isn't that bad all the time). Those times generally occur when I am busy, stressed, sad, or overwhelmed.

Self soothing isn't a bad thing. We all need ways to calm ourselves down and have a bit of me time. It is only a concern when it impacts on other parts of your life. In my example, I often was on my phone at times when the kids needed me. 

Seeing my use of Facebook as a self soothing method has helped me to understand why I feel like I need to check it so much. I am now better able to acknowledge how I am feeling and redirecting myself into doing something else. It still takes work to notice I am doing it and redirect myself. Most importantly, I don't want to be remembered by my kids as a mum who always stared at her phone. I want to give them the love and attention they deserve.

Do you use Facebook as a self soother?