Diary of a SAHM {Book Review & Giveaway}

It's not everyday that someone I know writes a book and then asks me to review it. Jess from Essentially Jess has done just that. She is now a published author and today I am going to tell you how wonderful her book is. Not just because I like her, but because I really enjoyed this book.

Diary of a SAHM, is a book about Jess' life with her husband and young family. It is written in diary form so you can just imagine her sitting down at the computer after a hard day with the kids and writing each entry. Although, unlike the type of whiny diary I would keep, Jess' book is full of wonderful reflections about what God is doing in her life and the lives of her family.

I love this book because Jess is real and honest. There were so many moments as I was reading, where I thought, "I can so relate to that!". She hasn't written a book telling us how to be a better Christian or a better parent. She has written about the struggle to trust God and to walk in his ways in the midst of the journey of parenting. She tells it like it is (incredibly hard at times), but instead of negativity she shares how she leans on God through it all and seeks to train the hearts of her children to live for Him.

One of my favourite parts of the book was Jess telling a story where, despite an epic effort to get the kids to church (walking three small children in the Darwin heat), she didn't get to hear a word of the sermon and had to deal with a baby who refused to sleep. Why would she bother to do this? To show her children that church was is priority in their family, and because she wants to live a life that reflects what she believes. I just loved it because sometimes it would be so much easier to skip church but how will our children learn to make meeting with other Christians a priority if their parents don't.  This story is one of many, where Jess shares a struggle and then reflects on what God is teaching her. 

This is the type of book I could (and will) read over and over again. Not because she gives us a "how to" of Christian parenting, but because it's like chatting with a friend who encourages us to see where God is working in our lives and the lives of our kids.

If you want to get your hands on a copy of her book the best option is to head to her website, Essentially Jess, and buy it now. I also have one copy of Diary of a SAHM available to giveaway to one lucky reader. Just complete the entry form below and tell me why you would like to win this book.

Of course I am linking up with Jess this week for IBOT.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

HELP! I Need Advice.

I really need some help with making a decision. I should be able to make this decision on my own but for some reason I'm just not sure what I should do.

This decision needs a little bit of background. It all started because of a digital photo frame. This frame (pictured below) sits beside our T.V. and is mostly turned off. However in recent weeks my children have become fascinated with it. They love watching pictures of themselves as babies and love trying to guess which baby is in the picture.

The digital frame that sends subliminal messages

Since it has been switched on, it has been rolling through the photos while I sit and watch T.V. Little by little, this device is sending me messages. With each picture, the frame says "Too quick, they are  growing up too quick".

Every parent can relate to this. Our kids seem to be babies one minute, then toddlers the next (I'm sure it is worse for parents of teenagers). This thought isn't anything new, but there was something else that this thought stirred in me and it has to do with childcare.

My two eldest girls have been in childcare since the beginning of last year and it is wonderful. The centre we have chosen is lovely and the carers are wonderful. I only have good things to say about the centre. Currently only one of my children attends the centre. My eldest is at preschool and the baby is home with me. My middle girl, Claire attends two days a week.

As the photos rolled through, my heart said. "Why is Claire in childcare when you are at home?", "She is growing up so quick and you could be spending that time with her".

Growing up too quick

So here is my dilemma. Should I take Claire back to only one day a week?

My heart says "Yes!" spend as much time as possible with her. She is only this little for such a short time and I wonder if I will regret not taking the opportunity to have time with her. Although she seems to love childcare when she is there, she often says doesn't want to go. Her days are much longer than the preschool days, so when I do pick up/drop off I really feel someone is missing. I chose to have her in two days because of my study/this blog but now that baby is awake more I am often not using the days for these things. I also think it would be nice for her to have one on one with time with her younger sister. 

On the other hand, I worry that taking her back to one day will mean she misses out on the social skills and stimulation that childcare provides. I feel sad that she won't see her teachers as much. I worry that I am doing it for me, because I want to be with her more, rather than because it is good for her.

If I was working, it would be simple and I would not be concerned about her being in childcare. Since I am at home and can look after her myself,  I wonder if I should. Is it selfish of me to take up a place in childcare when another family could use it?

Oh! it is all so hard. 

Any wise words, advice or your own experience is much appreciated.

What should I do????




Linking up with the lovely Jess from Essentially Jess for:

Sometimes I think my kids don't like me

 Have you ever wondered whether your kids like you? I do, and it is something that I struggle with a lot. I think I am a pretty good mum most of the time. I tell my kids I love them all the time, I show them physical signs of affection, I do nice things with them and for them and they are fed and clothed. I do all these things for them but for some reason they act like they would rather not have me around.

Last night was a prime example. I was trying to get my two year old back to sleep (after she woke up with a dirty nappy). She wanted to come into our bed for a little bit so I took her in and we lay down. Suddenly she recoiled from me screaming "No Mummy! No! I don't want you!" I tried to comfort her but she was having none of it. My hubby came back in, picked her up and she settled back to sleep. I didn't say anything at the time but I was really hurt by it. If it was an isolated incident I wouldn't mind but it happens all the time. Of course the baby still loves me best, but I suspect as soon as I stop breastfeeding her it will end.

The big girls always want their Daddy

If my kids hurt themselves they rarely want mummy (unless I am the only one around). It is always "Not you Mummy, I want Daddy". Other times they have even gone to find comfort in my friends rather than me. I see other people whose kids ONLY want mummy and while I guess that would drive me crazy, I feel a little jealous. I want to be able to comfort them when they are sick or sad.

My hubby can see it and he really tries to get them to show me they love me, which I really appreciate. I often feel the need to tell him that I don't abuse them when he isn't around. I promise I don't. I love those kids more than I can express.

In some ways it is good. It means that I can share the load of caring for the kids with my hubby. He is a very hands on dad, and that means the world to me, and to the girls. It would be impossible for me to have them all wanting me all the time. Although, I do feel a bit sorry for him when they are all hanging off him because they love him sooooo much.

My precious girls

I do know my kids love me even if they don't always show it. I just have to make sure I cherish the cuddles and kisses when they come and keep showing them that my love is always there. And it reminds me of the way I often treat God and that His love for me remains constant even when I ignore Him. 

Do you ever feel your kids don't like you? Or are you the one they go to?

Linking up with Jess from Diary of a SAHM 

 

Do Adults Actually Share?: Trying to Model Sharing to Kids

A few days ago my kids were fighting over a toy. It was getting pretty heated so my husband decided to step in, telling the kids they really needed to learn to share. The situation calmed down and Claire (who is two) decided she was over the toy she had been wanting from Emily and looked over to my husband's phone. "I have Daddy's phone?" she asked to which he replied "No, Daddy is using his phone" and took the phone away. Normally I wouldn't think anything of it as we often take the phones away from the kids when we don't want them playing with them. However this time I couldn't help but laugh. My husband wasn't using the phone at the time, he just didn't want her to have it. He didn't want to share.

The situation reminded me of an episode of Olivia (a children's TV character), where Olivia is being taught to share by her parents and she (rightly) points out that adults really don't share their belongings. To illustrate this Olivia goes into an imagination scene where she sees her mother wanting to use her car and along comes someone who also wants to use the car. Olivia has to remind her mother to "Share" and the person drives off with the car.

This episode of Olivia is funny because it is true. Adults really don't have to share all that often. Most of the sharing that we are trained to do as kids is more about stopping the fights and learning how to act appropriately when someone has something that you want. Of course that training is very useful as it would be awful to see two adults biting and hitting each other when one wanted the other one persons car or phone (I am sure that has happened somewhere).

Sharing is such a funny concept, and something that I struggle to know how to train my kids in. Since I have been thinking about this topic, I have realised that I want my children to share not because it is the socially acceptable thing to do but from a loving and generous heart. That is a challenge for me too, as I do love to be generous to others but I still want to eat all the chips myself, or don't want to lend certain possessions to my friends in case I never see them again. I know my heart is often not loving and generous and therefore sometimes my actions do not model sharing to my girls.

So next time I am yelling at  encouraging my kids to share, I'm and going to tell myself the very same thing because actions speak so much louder than words.

How do you train your kids to share? 

Co-sleeping: Delight or Danger?

Co-sleeping is the practice of parents sleeping with their babies or young children in their bed. With my first child I was very afraid of co-sleeping. I remembered a Bible story I had heard as a child where a woman accidentally smothered her son by laying on him (read the rest of the story in the Bible 1 Kings: 19-21). However, I did become a fan of breastfeeding while in bed when she was older, which meant that I would sometimes fall back to sleep with her still feeding.

Source: m.wikihow.com via Brittany on Pinterest

With my second child, my husband was in hospital from when she was a few days old. She was a bit unsettled so co-sleeping was the easiest way for us both to get a decent night sleep. I become very confident that co-sleeping was a really beneficial practice for both mum and baby.

Recently I read an article which stated that co-sleeping placed babies at risk of SIDS and recommended that parents only feed in bed if needed but put the baby straight back into its bed/bassinet. While I knew that there was a slight risk, I had not heard such a negative report on co-sleeping. I had previously discussed co-sleeping with my midwives and they had assured me it was safe within certain guidelines.

While I agree that you need to be cautious and I would never tell anyone they should co-sleep with their child, I still think there are benefits to the baby. When our third child was born, co-sleeping was something we automatically did. Alicia does have a bassinet, however on the night after she was born my husband cuddled her to sleep as she wasn't able to settle in the bassinet. She had only been out of the womb for around six hours when we went to bed and I imagine that it would be traumatic to be deprived of body contact that early in life.

While I enjoy having her in our bed, now that she is older I prefer to have her sleep in the bassinet. I am able to be more comfortable and sleep better without her next to me. However if she is unsettled co-sleeping means we get at least a bit of sleep. Some nights I think she just needs to be close to me to feel secure enough to sleep.

As there is always a risk of SIDS with a small baby I do make sure that I am mindful of the Safe Sleeping guidelines outlined on the SIDS and Kids website I generally sleep with her in the middle of us, with her laying in my upper arm which makes it impossible for me to roll onto her. In doing some research I have found that having her in the middle is not actually part of the recommendations.

Despite the report I read, I still think there are many benefits of co-sleeping. It is not new, and has been practiced safely for many years and in many cultures. I will continue to co-sleep with Alicia where I feel she needs it, and will do it with confidence that she is safe.

Do you co-sleep/have you co-slept with your babies?

Below are the Co-Sleeping recommendations from the SIDS and Kids website:

Do not share a sleep surface with a baby if:
• You are a smoker

• You are under the influence of alcohol or drugs that cause sedation
• You are excessively tired.
• Other children are sharing the bed with a baby
• The baby could slip under bedding e.g. pillows and duvets or doonas
• The bed is a waterbed or if the mattress is too soft
• The sleep surface is a sofa or chair
• Baby could become trapped between the bed and the wall or the bed rails
• Baby may fall off the bed

Using these guidelines:

• Put baby on the back to sleep (not on the tummy or side)
• Make sure the mattress is firm and flat (not tilted or elevated)
• Sleep baby in a baby sleeping bag to avoid bedclothes 

• Make sure that any bedding cannot cover the baby’s face. Keep pillows, doonas and any other soft bedding well away from the baby
• Do not wrap the baby

• Place the baby at the side of one parent - not in between two parents, as this would increase the likelihood of the baby becoming covered or slipping underneath adult bedding
• Ensure that the baby is not close to the edge of the bed where he/she can fall off. Do not place pillows at the side of the baby to prevent rolling off. A safer alternative is to place the adult mattress on the floor.
• Pushing the bed up against the wall can be hazardous as baby may become trapped.

Life with Three under 4

Way back in February I wrote this post on Staying Positive as we Prepared for Baby # 3. I had 5 weeks to go until Alicia was due and I was pondering what life would hold for our family. Well five months on, I thought I would give you an update on how we were coping with three children under four.

I remember saying I hoped Alicia would just fit in with our lives and I couldn't have been more right given she arrived while we were still at home (if you missed reading about her bathroom floor birth you can read about it on this link) and I was allowed to stay at home with my family after the birth. So life just went on as normal despite a new little person living in the house.

A few hours after she was born...just getting on with life

While feeding was a little difficult at the start, it improved quickly and she was feeding and settling well by two weeks. We did have a scary week when she developed a kidney infection at 14 days old and she spent a week in hospital on antibiotics. However when she returned home she went back into an fairly good routine and life returned to normal.

My poor sick bub

Has having three kids tipped me over the edge?? No, I still manage to look after the kids and myself (and have time for my hobbies and my blog). Is it harder? Of course! Life is so much busier. I used to have time to get all of my cleaning jobs done for the week, but now I get the basic stuff done but the tasks that are non essential (like cleaning the car out or cleaning grubby marks off the windows) are neglected. Days and weeks just get away from me and my to do list never has more than a couple of things marked off it per day. Do I care? Nope, I am loving it. I waste heaps of time just making my baby smile. It's great.

It helps that Alicia is a great sleeper both day and night, so tiredness is not really a problem. I have turned into a bit of a hibernator lately though. In the past I would take the girls out most days of the week, even if it was just to the park. Towards the end of my pregnancy I stayed home a lot more, but now I am home more days than I am out. It is just so cold here in Canberra and it is so hard dressing all three girls, doing hair, doing teeth, battling to get them into the car and trying to time all these things (and the outing) to occur between feeds. Alicia is also a pretty fussy feeder at the moment so I prefer to be at home to feed. I have just found it is easier to stay at home and to be honest I am enjoying it.

She is so loved!

I am also finding the three kids thing easier than I thought because I really only have to look after them on my own for three days a week. My hubby is around Saturday to Monday (Sunday is a work day but since he is the minister of our church we get to go to work with him). On Thursdays the older two head off to childcare so I only have Alicia with me.

Another thing that has made my transition easier is accepting help. I often get people to hold Alicia while I tend to the girls (once it was a Minister -the political type who was visiting our local park to talk to mums at a group play session). If people see me struggling and offer to help I take it. I often wonder if people see me struggling and judge me for having too many kids, but mostly I don't care and just accept any help I can get.

Slightly neglected #3 child falls asleep on the playmat

So there you have it. I am surviving having three kids basically under four or almost under three (my eldest was three and six weeks when Ali was born). There was really nothing to fear and we are loving having these three beautiful girls. They are such a blessing to our life and we couldn't be happier.

I Wish I Was a Better Mum

I have been suffering from some serious mother guilt this past week. 

It is nothing new really, it has just come up for me a lot this week because I really feel I am not making the effort to spend quality time with my eldest, Emily.

It is hard for me to admit this, but I want to share it with you so you know what I am going through. I fear that people will think I am a bad mother..but I also hope that maybe I am not alone with this struggle.

I am generally pretty good at taking my kids to morning events. Even though it can be hard to get the three of them out of the house I am still making the effort to go to playgroup and the park etc.

In the afternoons, Claire goes to sleep and baby Alicia is often asleep so in theory I should have some quality time with Emily.

The problem is instead of interacting with her, I pop the tv on to give myself a little break while I spend time on the computer. I often intend to do something with her but before I know it, a couple of hours has passed and Claire is awake again and our opportunity is lost.

I know it is ok to let her watch tv and of course it is fine for me to have a break but I know in my heart I am letting her down by not giving her at least some of the afternoon with my full attention.

She doesn't seem to care as long as I give her a cup of milk and a snack, but I see her mindlessly staring at that screen and it makes me sad. 

I love that kid so much but I am selfish and lazy.  I really want to change so I wanted to admit this publicly so I can't hide it.


In recent days I have been making more of an effort and it is amazing the change I see in her. She is better behaved and I know it is strengthening our relationship.


So I am going to keep trying, and even when I fail I am going to try again because I don't want to look back when she is a teenager and wish I had been a better mother.


Do you struggle to balance spending time with your kids and time for yourself?


 

Guest Post: Admitting and Surviving PND

I have not suffered from Post Natal Depression (PND) but a have a few friends who have gone through the journey of motherhood with the dark cloud of depression hanging over them. It can be hard enough adjusting to a new person in the house but when depression is added to the experience it must be almost unbearable. 

A friend of mine recently agreed to share her story of PND on Mummy’s Undeserved Blessings in the hope that it will help others who may be suffering depression, and to give others an insight into what mums with PND go through. 

Here is her story: 

I am 27 years old. 

I have a loving & supportive husband and an energetic toddler. 

I am surrounded by family & friends. 

I am also a survivor of post natal depression. 

 

PND is not something I would have ever thought would happen to me.  I knew that my mum had struggled after my brother was born, but that had been a fairly traumatic birth and I had no history myself of any form of depression.  I figured there was no reason I would be susceptible.  My son Thomas was planned and very much wanted, but for most of my pregnancy I had a recurring feeling of dread and anxiety that I could not shake.

Once he was born things got much worse.  Apart from being very quick, Thomas’ birth was uneventful.  It didn’t feel beautiful or spiritual, there was no instant surge of love other mothers had spoken about when they first see their baby…. my first thought was actually more along the lines of get this thing off me, I need a shower!  As time went on I felt no real bond for the little person my husband and I had brought home.  I fed him and bathed him and changed his nappies, but I didn’t feel like his mother, I took no joy in holding him, and at times felt a sense of loss and resentment for all the things I had ‘given up’.  I stopped praying, not because I blamed God but because I couldn’t imagine that he’d want to listen to someone as horrible as me who couldn’t love the beautiful gift he had given me (it’s a good thing he never gives up on us!)

There were two really scary moments for me.  The first was early on, sitting on my lounge at 2.00 am, struggling to feed a sleepy 3 week old.  For a number of nights in a row I had really vivid images running through my head of letting Thomas roll off my lap onto the hard tiles, I saw his tiny head hit the floor and was struck by how simple it would be to just end this thing that I had gotten myself into.  At the time I think I put this down to sleep deprivation, it wasn’t until a few months later when I was reading Brooke Shield’s book Down Came the Rain, in which she describes similar daydreams that I began to think maybe this was not something all new mothers thought about.

The second was driving along Gunghalin drive with Thomas asleep in his carseat, and having an (almost) uncontrollable urge to ram my car into the concrete wall which runs along the AIS fields.  Even as I was thinking this and forcing my hands to stay steady on the steering wheel I remember being terrified at the lengths I was prepared to go to, to escape.  This was not me and it was not normal.  

I spent hours reading information online and although I was still not ready to admit that what I had might be post natal depression, I did agree at my husband’s persistence to speak to someone.  One of my biggest barriers to seeking help was that I did not feel as though I was justified in having PND.  According to the fact sheets I read; I had all the symptoms but none of the risk factors.  If mothers with sick babies, absent partners or money troubles could cope then what did I have to complain about? Surely I just needed to suck it up!  I held onto this for a while, I kept looking at lists of risk factors trying to find an explanation for why this had happened to me.

When I finally saw someone the overwhelming feeling was one of relief, at finally being able to tell someone my story, and also at the response I got.  The psychologist I saw (and continue to see) is fantastic, she specialises in peri-natal depression and was able to give me some of the reasons I had been looking for.  She depersonalised a lot of my thoughts and feelings, explaining them using the science of the brain and how humans are programmed to deal with stresses.  She didn’t see anything wrong with the fact that I had not fallen instantly in love with my baby, had I loved my husband the first time I had met him?  No, it took months of spending time with him and getting to know the sort of person he was – why would it be any different for anyone else in my life?  I learnt that the loss I was feeling was common, I was grieving for a life I had, in some ways, left behind.  I was in a role transition stage of my life and that always brings with it challenges and feelings of discomfort.  I learnt tools and strategies to deal with these and get myself back on track.  

I went back to work (my own choice) when Thomas was 5 months old, and as I settled back into a job I have always loved I began to see that not everything had changed; there was plenty of my old life which could fit into my new role.  I do not feel guilty about going to work because I know it makes me a better mother.   My work, combined with the love of my family, lots of prayer, mild medication and regular exercise have all helped me to get back to the real me.  I am not only a mother; I am a wife, a teacher, a friend, a daughter & sister… I am also my own person and this means I do motherhood the way that works for me and my family, not necessarily the way people tell you it ‘should’ be done.  Having a baby is not my greatest accomplishment, but I have to admit that at the moment it’s pretty good.  I love watching my boy explore his world as he develops into his own little person.  He has an enormous personality and a lust for life which regularly astounds my husband and me.  It may have taken some time, but I can say with total sincerity that I love my son to bits!

I am not an expert on post natal depression.  I have gone through my own journey; I read lots and talked lots with people who are experts.  But that does not mean I have the answers, I am only an expert on my journey and my recovery.  If you are someone struggling with similar feelings and concerns the number one thing I can advise is to speak to someone.  The biggest mistake I made was pretending everything was ok; I was an expert at covering up, a lot of my friends would probably be surprised to know this was even something I struggled with.  At the risk of sounding clichéd, SPEAK UP …. Beyond Blue runs a brilliant campaign encouraging just that, check it out at http://justspeakup.com.au/

5 weeks to go! Staying Positive as we Prepare for Baby 3

It seems just a few weeks ago that I revealed baby number three was on its way and now we are counting down weeks until he or she makes their arrival

 in mid March.

A new baby on the house whether it is number one or number twelve is always going to make changes, some will be wonderful others will be really tough. In the recent weeks I have been thinking about the impact this baby will have on our lives. Being the third baby in as many years will bring with it many challenges and I imagine it will take time for us all to adjust to our new family member. The funny thing is that in my mind this little person is just going to fit in and life will go on as normal. Crazy I know but I think I am trying to keep up a positive attitude.

I think this positivity comes from our past experiences. While our previous two children have changed our lives, neither of them have impacted on our lives in a negative way. When we first brought Emily home we found it hard mainly because everything was new and we were learning and trying new things, but on the whole we found the adjustment pretty easy. Claire arrived into absolute chaos with us being at hospital (for my husband) until 1am the night before she was born, then having him be admitted into hospital for a week two days after she arrived (along with Emily and I getting conjunctivitis and other family members getting sick too!)  So Claire just had to fit in with all the craziness and thankfully she was a super easy baby.

Most Daddys visit their babies in hospital. This baby visited her Daddy in hospital

Don't get me wrong the girls are very challenging at times (as you would know if you are a regular reader of my blog) but on the whole they are relatively easy to manage children. They generally sleep well, eat well, play together well and respond fairly well to discipline. Despite them still being very young (3 years old and 19 months old) I feel that we are in a good place with them and a new baby would be an adjustment for our family but won't turn our lives upside down.

Of course there are lots of times I wonder if I am deluding myself, especially when you hear people say that having three kids tipped them over the edge. However I guess I feel like there is not any point in worrying about something that has not yet happened and may never happen. When I was pregnant with Claire I did worry a lot more about whether I would love her as much as I do Emily or how I would cope managing two children and I found these worries disappeared almost as soon as she was born.

Instead of one, I will have two little helpers this time around

So here I am 5 weeks out from meeting our new little person and feeling pretty good about it all. I am positive for lots of reasons and I know that this little person was in God’s wonderful plan for our family. He (God) has blessed us in so many ways and I know that He will care for us as we adjust to being a family of five. We know that no matter how hard it gets He will provide people whether they be blood family or church family to support us in whatever we need.

So watch this space and follow me on my way to being a mother of three very small children.

What were your fears when approaching the birth of your children?

Being Content "Just" Being a Mum

I know that there are lots of women out there who hate the idea of being "just" a mum. Of course no one is "just" a Mum. We mums wear a million different hats and are often working harder caring for our families than we ever did in our pre-kid occupations.

I am one of those strange people who actually like the idea of being "just" a mum. I guess it has a lot to do with the fact that falling pregnant and keeping a baby was so difficult for us that to have actually given birth to a baby makes me feel like I have achieved something really special. I think it is also that I have am less concerned about what other people think of me in regard to my intelligence and achievements because I know that I have achieved many things in my life and raising my family is the most important thing I will ever do in my life.

 In my pre-kids days I had a few different careers. First I was a Hairdresser (which I guess I still am as I completed an apprenticeship), then I was (briefly) a Waitress while I was studying at uni, then I used my Psychology degree working as a Rehabilitation Consultant. However, many people I know could not tell you what I did before I had kids because I hardly talk about what I did before. I love being a mum and it is what defines my life now.

In the past when I was a Hairdresser I found it difficult when people thought that I "dropped out" of school because I could not handle it. I loved telling people that I was studying Psychology as they thought I was intelligent. Neither of these assumptions were true, in both cases I was just working hard at doing what I enjoyed. I think that these experiences made it easier to accept that people think of me as "just" a mum.

 Of course I do have things that I want to achieve in my life. Lots of my close friends will know that I am constantly struggling with wanting to complete further training to be a "real" Psychologist not just someone with a Psych degree. My poor husband has had to endure me regularly agonising over when is the right time to do it, and how I should go about doing it. I am sure I will do it one day,  but for now I am not willing to give up this time with my kids. Every time I have looked into doing it God has said "no" and I have realised it is not the right time. Whether it be realising the time commitment required, or recently when thought I might do it next year and then a little person was suddenly growing in my womb...the answer was another "no".

I think I am slowly learning that this time in my life is for raising my family. While having further training in Psychology would be great to have in order to be able to help people, the people who need me most are my kids. If I get to the end of my life I know that God is not going to care whether I became a Psychologist. He is only going to be concerned that did the best I could with the responsibilities he gave me and my kids are the most important of those responsibilities.

So for the next few years I am going to be "just" a mum....and I am going to love every moment of it!

Even moments when they do this!

I think I just learned something about parenting.

I have been reflecting recently on my relationship with my two and a half year old and wondering why things seem to have been a little easier between us. For a while, I am ashamed to admit,  I loved her but there was a lot of times I didn't really like her.  She was throwing tantrums, doing "naughty" things for no real reason, and worst of all.......she was refusing to sleep in the afternoon.

All mums would know that a baby or toddler's sleep time is like a taste of heaven on earth. It means rest, in the early days it might mean sleep for the weary mumma but most of the time it is a time of not having to clean up after, worry about, discipline, entertain  the little ones. I had it good for a while my baby and the toddler would sleep at the same time and I would get at least an hour of me time. Generally I would make a cup of tea, eat some chocolate (if it had been a rough morning) and watch T.V. It was lovely and I treasured that time even if I was rotting my brain (and possibly my soul) by watching "The Hills".

I can't remember how it started but she just decided that she did not want to be contained in her room (no matter what was offered), she would scream at the door until I let her out. For a while there I would go in and out but in the end I got so angry that I would let her scream herself to sleep at the door. Great parenting...you must be thinking. I just could not deal with her. Worse still, even though I had Claire in a port-a-cot in another room she was screaming so loud that I ended up with two little people awake. You can imagine how happy I was about that.

I just felt like I was becoming an angry mum. I was constantly yelling at her and as I said I was struggling to like her. My husband noticed that she was also quite hard to get to sleep at night time and he suggested that we just drop the sleep all together. This suggestion did not go down well at all. I felt angry (again) and felt like I was owed her sleep time. I felt I needed that time for myself and was not willing to give it up.

A couple of weeks passed, and Claire was woken up more regularly and sleep was less frequent and I begrudgingly began to see the wisdom of what my husband had said. So annoying when they are right :). So I gave up on trying to make her sleep and decided to let her watch a movie or T.V. so I can have a little "me" time and then I do something with her like cooking. It is lovely now as she asks me "Mummy, can we do Tooking while Tare sleeps" (-she replaces C's with T's). So we have something special that we do together.

So as I mentioned at the beginning things have been much better between us and the change has not been in her at all. She is still a little bratty toddler, trying to push the limits and gain independence. The change has been in me. Instead of demanding my "me" time and battling with her to get what I wanted I have let go of these things and worked to come to a compromise with her where she feels that she is loved and she is getting one on one time with me.

Our time together has been lovely recently. Instead of being totally a Daddy's girl, I am now getting lots more of hugs and kisses and she seems to be enjoying spending more time with me. I don't claim to have all the answers but I feel that I have learned that it is not about changing her but changing my expectations of her. She is only two and while disciple is really important, if what I am trying to make her do is more about me and what I want, rather than what will benefit her, then it is me that needs to change.

There is still so much more learning and growing to do as a parent but it is nice when I get something right.

I just love spending time with this girl