Are You Sharing TOO Much With Your Partner?

I have heard it said so many times that if you tell a married person something you must expect that they will tell their husband/wife. That has never sat well with me but I could never put my finger on exactly why until I read this article which a friend (Dave) wrote on his blog about confidentiality between spouses.

I shared the article on my personal Facebook page and one of my friends, who is single, responded. She said that as a single person, she has found it hard knowing that the things she shares with her friends are passed on to their husbands. It sounds like all of her friends have lovely husbands but I imagine my friend would hold back on sharing some things with her married friends because of the open sharing with the spouse.

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So how much should you share? In his article on confidentiality between spouses, Dave states that:

"Marriages shouldn’t have secrets. You should never promise that you won’t tell your wife/husband. People who reveal private and personal details to you should know that those details could go to your spouse

But “could” is the operative word there. I’d be wary of the couple who say they “must” tell each other everything. Couples should only share other people’s private issues if they think it will be really helpful for the person involved to have their spouse’s perspective."


We have no secrets in our marriage.  I am terrible at keeping my own secrets. I can't even hide a shopping purchase from my hubby. However, when it comes to other people's information it is a very different situation. I have strong opinions about what is and isn't gossip and in my opinion, sharing some information with my hubby borders on gossip.

In my situation (as the minister's wife), I often have people coming to me to chat about personal things. Even talking with my friends, I hear many things about people's lives that are deeply personal and things that they have chosen to share with me because they trust me. In some cases, I will share with my hubby what has been spoken about but generally only in the following situations:

•  If the person has asked me to get his opinion.
•  If it was something that was really burdening me and I needed to debrief with someone (in this case I would always tell the person that I needed to share it with my hubby).
•  If it was already common knowledge (i.e. on Facebook, others already knew, etc).
• If it was a person within our church community and it would impact how he cares for that person/ their family (again, I will tell the person first before I shared it with hubby).
•  If it had to do with my marriage, my children and or me personally.

Of course their may be other reasons to share (and I am not perfect and have at times shared more than I should) but the main point is that I want to be a safe person for people I care for. I don't want them to hold back from telling me things because they can't trust me to keep their information safe. I want them to know that I take their personal information seriously and it is not something that my hubby and I giggle about over the dinner table.

I know in his role, my hubby hears many personal things about people too. Lots of it I would rather not know (as it can change my opinion of people) so he doesn't share it unless I need to know. We like it that way, and it allows us to talk about other things that build our marriage and our friendship).

I know lots of people may disagree with me, but at least take the time to think about it. If you want to be the person that people can confide in, think about how much you share with your partner (for your friend's sake and your partner's).

Do you agree that some things SHOULDN'T be shared with your partner?




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