Making the Most of Your Marriage

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post called "The Heart Wants What the Heart Wants" and I had a great response  At the end of the post (and on facebook) I asked what your hot tips for looking after your marriage were. The tips were so good that I decided to dedicate a whole blog post to it.

I have been married for 8 years (and 1 month) and I am still learning how to be married. Sometimes it is really fun and easy. Other times it is just plain hard work. Even when it is hard work, it is still worth all the effort. Even in my short time of being married I have learned a few things that I think help marriages (at least mine) stay strong. My top tips are:

• Find hobbies that you enjoy doing together. We like running, eating out and cooking together, going for bush walks (rare now we have kids) and holidaying  (especially camping).
• Find time each day to talk to each other about things other than the business of running a home and caring for kids.
• Sex is an important part of your relationship and it is good to make time for it regularly.
• Don't hold onto hurts, talk about it, forgive each other and let it go.

I'm sure I could think of lots more but I will hand over to my lovely readers who left these comments:

Fiona from Imogens angels said "My hot tip is to talk to each other, actually know what is happening in each others life's. Show an interest!. My husband and me have been together for over 10 years and there is no way we would be together if didn't allow the time each day to talk and listen to each other"

Lynda from All About Muma"this false Greco/Roman notion of 'Romantic love' where you have no control over your actions that is promoted in almost every TV show/movie has been responsible for ruining so many marriages. It makes me really mad. It is not a trendy notion but marriage does take work - affirming life giving words to one another, forgiveness, listening, spending time together, accepting the others faults. It's worth it - there is nothing better than a good, solid marriage :-)"

Deb from Aspiring Mum " I would have to say communication, praying together and respect are what have helped us stay together. If there's no respect, it can cause so many problems. Also learning to be selfless - not always easy, but there is no room for selfishness if a marriage is to work."

Hayley from Happy Housewifey said "The "I'm not in love with you anymore" line really annoys me, and I cringe when I hear it. 
Love is a choice & action, not a feeling. " She also wrote this great post on the topic A Student of Your Spouse
Mrs BC  from mrsbcshouseofchaossaid "I think the secret is to be committed to your marriage, not your love - love ebbs and flows, and sometimes it is a bit thin on the ground"

Jess from Essentially Jess said "One thing I do, is make sure I don't develop strong relationships with other men. It's ok to be friends but there has to be a line, because I've seen emotional affairs happen far too quickly and easily"

 Bec from The Plumbette said "The grass is never greener on the other side when you have an affair. The ripple effect affects family and friends."

Julie from The Useful Box said "I try to think daily (or at least regularly) about all the wonderful things about my husband and how perfect he is (for me!)"

 Janet from Redland City Living said "Love is first of all, a VERB, a doing word. Secondly I believe when it come to marriage it is a CHOICE, to keep loving that person."

Jane  said "If you're talking affairs, more than anything boundaries is the key. You can have a 'good' marriage, date nights, whatever but if one person doesn't understand boundaries, by which I mean that there is NO such thing as just friends, don't be alone with anyone of the opposite sex --EVER, unless they are a family member, even having a business lunch -- Do not do it. Your spouse should have the passwords to your Facebook, email etc. the grass is greener is a lie of the devil and he is cunning. "

Jeanie in Paradise said "I think it is important that you share some common goals and values with your husband. Communicate, and know at base that BOTH of you are committed to making the union one that reflects the blessings"

Trish from My Little Drummer Boys said "I started doing the LOVE DARE to help strengthen my marriage of 23yrs. "

 Sophie  from iSophie said "Communication is key. And basic morals actually, we all know right from wrong after all don't we? Having a common interest or showing avid active interest in your spouses' interest goes along way in strengthening a relationship I find"

Mark from My Gungahlin said "A friend said his grandparents tip was they had to kiss goodnight every night. This meant they wouldn't go to bed angry/upset with the other or each other.

Karen said "Don't try to change them! You fell in love with them as they were, not how you want them to be"


Thanks everyone for these great tips. 










Linking up today with Essentially Jess for:

The Heart Wants What the Heart Wants

I am a little ashamed to admit I was watching Days of our Lives last week. During the show I heard one of the characters saying "The heart wants what the heart wants" in reference to her poor relationship choices. It was a line that has really stuck with me this week.

Of course, it was said in a trashy TV show where everyone is sleeping with everyone else, but when I thought about it I realised that it is a common way of thinking. We often hear these words or similar words like "Follow your heart", "You can't help who you fall in love with".  As I thought about these words during the week I began to think about how dangerous these words can be, particularly in marriage.

It would be lovely to think that once you are married, you never find anyone else attractive but all the evidence around us proves this wrong. Sadly, our hearts can deceive us into thinking that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. If we always followed our hearts, or allowed ourselves to believe that the heart wants what the heart wants, imagine where that would get us (just watch one episode of Days of our lives).

As my husband is a minister, we have had the privilege of doing some marriage preparation recently with two couples in our church. It has really made me reflect on how precious marriage is and how important it is to work at it. Too often, I see marriages fall apart because it gets too hard or because they feel like they have fallen out of love with each other (and maybe feel they are in love with someone else).

I cannot speak for every situation but today I want to encourage married people (and people who may be married in the future) not to follow their hearts or their feelings when it comes to a person outside their marriage.  I have a fabulous marriage to a man who I am still very attracted to but I would be lying of I said I am never attracted to other people. However instead of allowing myself to believe that the heart wants what the heart wants, I work hard to see any of those type of thoughts as lies. It will NOT make me happier, or be more fun with another person. In fact, it WILL lead to much more pain (for everyone) and lots of sadness. It will never be worth it. NEVER.

A while ago, I mentioned on my facebook page that there was a recent post on the Imperfect Mum facebook page which had the story of a woman who was bored of her marriage and was attracted to another man at work. I actually expected to see comments such as "You need to follow your heart" or "You deserved to have love" but instead there was comments like "Get out of that workplace", "Try having date nights with your hubby" and lots of other really positive comments. The comments that she got really gave her encouragement to work at her marriage. It was wonderful to see.

It is so important to surround yourself with people who will encourage you to work on your marriage. I know that all my friends have the best interests of my marriage at heart when I talk to them about my hubby. I also have great friends who I know I could go to if I was struggling with temptation and they would not let me believe the lies of my heart and I can, and have done the same for them.

In a world filled with broken relationships, I want my marriage to stand the test of time. Everyday I make a choice to continue to love my husband. Even when it is hard and even when the grass looks greener somewhere else. 

What are your hot tips for keeping a marriage strong?

I Lived in Sin for Six Weeks

Today is my 8th wedding anniversary. It seems like only yesterday that I walked down the aisle of our church and married the man that I love. I was going to get all soppy and tell you how much I love my hubby but I thought it would be more interesting to share a funny story from when we were married.

Our wedding day was much like any other wedding. We exchanged vows, exchanged rings and signed a couple of pieces of paper. We left the church, enjoyed our fabulous wedding reception and went off on our honeymoon in the Maldives.

Little did we know....we were actually not married at all.

After returning from our honeymoon, we started our married life (or so we thought). It soon came time to pick up or marriage certificate so we could go about changing names. We contacted Births, Death and Marriages only to be told there was no record of our marriage. This seemed odd as were were pretty sure we got married. A few phone calls to the minister who married us revealed there really was no marriage certificate. Somehow on the day, we signed the church book, our copy of the certificate but we didn't actually sign the legal documents. We were not legally married!!!

The happy unmarried couple

We quickly gathered some witnesses and headed to the home office of our minister. We entered the dark and dingy room and huddled around the paperwork, quickly signing our names in the hope that we could be married and no one would ever know our dark secret. Ok that was just be being dramatic (although in my memory it did seem a little dodgy). It was only six weeks late and with different witnesses from the ones you will see in the photos but at least we were finally legally married.

Of course, despite not being married in the eyes of the law, we knew we were always married in the eyes of God. I joke about us living in sin (only because I think it is funny) but we were never actually concerned about it. Our wedding day was pretty perfect to us. This story only makes it more fun.

We look so young!

My hubby is now responsible for marrying people at our church. Now he is very careful to make sure married couples sign ALL the paperwork.

Do you have a funny wedding story to share?